Mixed feelings about miscarriage?

Im 23, Australian and live in Indonesia. I have found out me and my boyfriend were pregnant. I didnt get the feeling of elation and love which felt strange because everybody says thats what happens. This baby was wanted though. I was in a restraunt on Thursday, felt cramping and blood on the way to the toilet I had shooting pains which caused me to faint and then went away. I had a clear sac amongst the blood and a big piece of tissue (10cm long, 1cm wide). I wasnt sad about this, just neutral. Today, I havent stopped crying.. I feel as though im terrible for not feeling anything and this guilt has got me.. Please dont judge me... I dont know what to feel, am I just not maternal?