How to program calculator to say my name when i turn it on?

i used a TI-86 for many years, I'm pretty sure there is no way to execute code when the calculator turns on. if this is a theft thing, carve some not to distinct mark into the calculator, so you can spot it from a few feet away, then carve a very specific mark (like your name) on the underside of the small battery cover, the one inside of the battery case, it's a watch style battery.